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what mood is that, sir? the subjunctive?

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WIP amnesty: the Teen Wolf poly Valentine's Day college AU
jeeves facepalming
I am so bummed that I never actually wrote this, but it's time to accept that Teen Wolf is not a fandom I'm ever going to write in again. So here's the text prelude + a couple paragraphs + an outline of the rest of a fic I'm pretty sure would have been awesome.

hey danny! planning my v-day schedule, wanna book a slot?
yes! I promised I’d help with the dance party in the evening, but we could do brunch? 11:30?
11:30 is pretty much lunchtime
lunch doesn’t have any waffles. do you want waffles?
brunch it is

hey lydia! planning my v-day schedule, wanna book a slot?
We’re not dating, Stiles.
well last week we had sex for 2 hours then argued about vonnegut for another 3, i thought maybe that’s just how you interpret the concept of dating
If that were true, Jackson would be single.
fair point well made. so that’s a no?
Probably. I’ll text you if I’m not in the mood to settle for subpar cunnilingus.
you say the sweetest things to me

hey erica! planning my v-day schedule, wanna book a slot?
with such a romantic invitation, how could i refuse. has anybody claimed dinner yet?
all yours! shall i cook for you or take you out to a fancy place with cloth napkins?
does “cook for me” mean spaghetti
we could be lady and the tramp? totally romantic!
let’s go with the cloth napkins option

hey derek! planning my v-day schedule, wanna book a slot?
Fuck Valentine's Day
how’s your afternoon look
Extremely busy
i’ll put you down for 3pm
If you buy me flowers I swear to god I will break up with you

Stiles stumbles into his tiny shithole of a kitchen, knuckling sleep-crud out of his eyes, and is greeted by his best friend holding him at spatula-point.

“You can’t have any,” Scott informs him. “They’re for Allison.”

Stiles sways away from the menacing metal edge. Scott isn’t going to slice his face open on purpose, but Stiles doesn’t trust him not to do it by accident. There have been way too many kitchen mishaps in this apartment already, and they’ve only lived here for six months.

“Coffee,” he says. If Scott tries to tell him that’s reserved for his girlfriend, there’s gonna be a major roomie war. Like, duct tape down the middle of the apartment levels of animosity, and Stiles is taking the half with the espresso machine.

- Stiles gets an e-mail saying he has to rewrite his paper (social psychology theories of attraction do not apply to hamburgers, according to his very wrong TA)
- Allison breezes through, doesn’t even realize it’s Valentine’s Day, doesn’t eat the pancakes
- Stiles eats a bromance pancake to make Scott feel better, looks at the time, oh god gotta get to the florist
- florist is packed, roses are sold out, Stiles grabs a handful of flowers that look basically like roses
- leaves the flowers in the jeep except one, which he brings up to Danny and Jackson’s apartment
- Lydia is there; she kisses Stiles in Danny’s kitchen and tells him that begonias mean “beware”; Danny asks if they’re dating; Lydia says no and disappears into Jackson’s room
- Danny asks how long Stiles has, Stiles says a couple hours, thinking of the paper
- they eat, they bang, Stiles comes twice, it’s 2:45, shit. Stiles jets straight to Derek’s and brings a flower to the door with him, mentally outlining his paper
- Derek takes one look at the flower and shuts the door in Stiles’ face
- Stiles protests that he said “flowers,” plural; ends up having to pick the lock
- Derek is like “you know begonias mean beware, right?”
- Derek announces that they’re having kinky, gagged, not at all romantic sex and there will be no subsequent cuddling
- there is cuddling
- followed by shower sex
- it’s 6:20, Stiles has ten minutes until his reservations with Erica, mad dash to the restaurant
- Erica points out the flower meaning and also that it’s wilted from sitting in Stiles’ car with no water all day
- how does everyone know this about flower meanings? Stiles didn’t know this! why does everyone know a thing Stiles doesn’t know?
- they eat, Erica orders spaghetti and Stiles gives her shit about it, talk about which of them would be Lady and which would be the Tramp (Stiles is the one with four sex partners buuuut Erica is wearing that top)
- Stiles outlines his paper in the bathroom at the restaurant, plans to write it after the Erica date is over
- they go back to Stiles’ place and bang
- Lydia walks in on the afterglow, asks if they’re done
- Stiles objects because she said they weren’t dating, and he is dating Erica, and he’s focusing on his partners today, thank you very much, and also he has a paper to write
- Lydia says fine, they’re dating
- Erica laughs and says she has to go anyway, leaves them to it
- Stiles says he can’t even get it up anyway, he’s had five orgasms today already
- Lydia informs him that he doesn’t need to get it up and puts his mouth to work
- Stiles passes out, wakes up with twelve minutes until his paper is due
- marches over to his TA’s office and lays out a detailed argument that social psychology theories of attraction DO apply to food and if they do not they SHOULD
- TA is like: did you not get my e-mail?
- turns out there was a followup e-mail a few minutes after the “rewrite this” e-mail saying that after she actually read the paper, she was impressed enough with his arguments that it’s fine. Stiles was just too busy getting epically laid to check his e-mail all day.

This entry was originally posted at http://jedusaur.dreamwidth.org/103659.html.

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